You know what's an excellent idea for this here Util? The one who loves logic and routine and parking lots?
Make major changes to every possible area of life (except my hair, because I do have my limits).
Fingers crossed nothing unexpected happens, this month will find me:
In a new job
In a new city
Working in a different new city
Longer hours
Unfamiliar roads
Near total absence of parking lots
Leaving most everything I own and just moving what I can fit in my car (mostly)
Leaving Tilly and Giotto (pretty sure Bella is coming with me)
Nearest family an hour away
Knowing one person
Having a non romantic roommate [it's my illustrious and absent co-author! Am pretty tickled about this even though I think she's about to block my phone number]
New bank accounts (my current bank is in the Midwest only)
With the same salary and a twice as expensive cost of living. But more future opportunity.
New passport (had to call to figure out how to get in renewed by being mailed from one address but sent to another)
Dealing with car registration, windshields, inspections, batteries, insurance, licenses
Did I mention the commuting? I haven't even begun to panic about the job because I am near catatonic just trying to figure out the commute.
Am barely holding it together. Grasping at straws in a sea of I can't do this by myself. I hear myself start to spiral when I'm talking to people and I'm so beyond myself that I can recognize it but I can't stop it and it's just a 20 minute babble of my to do list and no sense or logic and I finally smash through the haze long enough to stammer out an I'm so sorry, I know what I'm doing and how annoying this is but I can't help it before hanging up and whimpering into Tilly.
There are beams of solace. A random tweet with a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt: "You must do the things you think you cannot do" A blog entry with a comment about it's ok to be juggling everything and some things drop so long as it's a ball that drops and not an egg. Focus on the eggs. One day at a time. Just keep breathing.
How will I get to the post office? The DMV? Wait for the cable guy? Go to the doctor?
I'm exhausted from staying up worrying so I drift off on the couch before 10 while watching reruns of the Big Bang Theory, wake up cold, go to bed and lie awake till 3am whirling. Then I'm so tired the next day I fall asleep on the couch again and lie awake half the night.
What if the mild winter ends before Spring and there's a blizzard when I'm moving or trying to learn the commute?
Things are falling into place, which, oddly, makes things almost worse. It can't be this easy. Something bad is going to happen.
While I'm still here, am seeing how people are there for me. D is home more during the day to deal with the uship guy. When he was gone yesterday and there was a minor crisis about the bid price being driveway to driveway only and I was gasping at my desk because I can't move the dresser and tabletop on my own, I was able to frantically text T who said he'd be able to come over and help me. And D is there now, waiting for the guy, because I'm at work and he can load the things so I don't have to pay extra. [If you happen to be reading Tass I gave him extra $ for the unloading in Bmore] What am I going to do without them?
How am I going to be able to afford a place of my own? How am I going to be able to even go look at a place with no time off?
The logistics will work out. I have rational people who are still talking to me who help me focus on the ok things. Ex: it is going to cost a significant amount of money to park at the train station where there's a lot so I called the MTA and the very helpful woman was giving me ways of taking various bus transfers with stops that involve walking through parking lots to navigate. Me? OMFG NO. Rational coworker? Sounds would be much more worth it to pay to park but this way you know if your car doesn't start or something, you still could get to work. Yes. Good.
What if I hate the urban environment? What if I get attacked?
I can do this. I have done this. Sure, I was with D when I moved to Hbg but he was in school in Florida at the time and I lived by myself and it was good. (Except I walked to work and had a parking garage) The commute will sort itself out after doing it for a couple of weeks. The federal government accepted my tax return so I have some money as a cushion. It's fine to be scared. I can still do this.
I'm petrified.
You can do it!!! Tass did it without knowing one single person.
Posted by: Mary Zahner | 01 February 2012 at 05:51 PM
Wait - what? What did I miss? I'm confused! You're leaving Tilly! What's going on - I need more details as I'm panicking for you (although I know you are much stronger than you think and you can handle anything).
ACk!
Posted by: TUWABVB | 02 February 2012 at 01:03 PM
Trust me. You'll be fine. And I can say that because I moved across the country 4 months ago with only what I could fit in my car and with not even a job lined up to live with non-romantic roommates. Things may not be perfect now, but I'm working and happier than I've been in a long time. Scary? Yes. But sometimes you just know what you have to do.
Posted by: Nikki | 04 February 2012 at 02:25 PM