[Though, really, if you swap out the lamb for pasta, essentially the same family dynamics]
I'm pondering some big life decisions but since I am unable to be completely spontaneous, I temporarily soothed the plan and logic loving beast in my brain by sending out an exploratory email, complete with bullet pointed discussion topics, to my aunt and uncle, who play a significant part in the plan.
They write back, say call us later when you're out of work. I get home, bundle up, and get ready to wander around in the dark with Miss Sassypants so I can have a non-dropped conversation. We get on the phone and they're all making soup and I hear gma say, oh, hello Stephanie, I thought your letter was so funny. I'm trying to figure out which letter she's talking about when I realize she's talking about the email... that I didn't send to her. Wasn't a problem, I didn't care, but that should have alerted me to what was ahead. Then my uncle says how everyone thought it was hilarious and I'm laughing when I ask, well, who is everyone? Did you send it to all your friends and relatives? Nope, just your father.
My. Whatwhonow? My father. Why would you send it to my father? Well, before we proceed with the plan, I wanted to make sure he was in the loop and make sure I had his blessing and support. At this point, I'm just trying to figure out exactly when my life became a Nia Vardalos movie.
I was laughing but I was a little annoyed. And no one could figure out why. So I explained that as a 30 yr old living in 2011, I didn't need the men in my family talking to the other men in my family to determine the course of my life. Then I went off on some tangent about moving to Nova Scotia regardless of what any of the in charge men thought but that was more for my own enjoyment of the dramatic. My uncle was a little taken aback that I was having such a reaction and at that point I just gleefully said how much I was looking forward to Thanksgiving. Oh, the fun that will be had.
[Wasn't so much upset that my father's permission was sought, that part is so ridiculous that I find it funny, more that I - in my tight fisted grip on life - like to control who reads what, when. Not that I wasn't going to involve my parents in my life plans but I was caught off guard knowing that Dad had read what I sent. Nothing in there that I was uncomfortable with him seeing but I had to do a quick mental scan and make sure because there are other things influencing this whole process that I wouldn't want him to see in as frank a manner as I might phrase them if I was talking to my aunt]
I hang up with them and immediately call Dad. He answers and I say "So, I hear that you - as the man and head of household [since I am single and a spinster] - have been approached regarding my future?" And, smart man, he just starts to laugh. Ever since I went off to school Dad has always been your life, your decisions so I wasn't worried at all about his possible response to my uncle, but the whole situation was so antiquated that I couldn't resist turning the screws a bit. Of course Dad was conciliatory and said we all love you and support you and he was just being a good brother-in-law and we all want what's best for you, etc. Yes, yes, I know.
He'll get his come Christmas dinner.
It's so weird how families are so different. Obviously I tend to be a spontaneous nomad (drive 1000 miles with all my clothes in a vehicle I don't trust to make it? Bring it on!) and I guess after 30 years my family knows I'm stubborn and will do what I'm going to do. Actually by the time I seek advice I've generally made my decision.... Moving on, I would be completely and totally irked had my email been shared with the whole family! I think you handled it brilliantly! As for the decisions...good luck! And feel free to bounce ideas off your nomadic friend. ;)
Posted by: Nikki | 17 November 2011 at 05:43 PM