Musical Chairs

(I wonder how many plays on harmony I'll be able to get out of this whole thing)

Another week, another roundup of Eharm goings on.  It's still a weird thing for me to wrap my head around.  I had lunch with M&C over the weekend and was trying to explain it a bit to them.  It's like both sides of my brain have to mesh together.  On the one hand, it's very pragmatic and direct.  See the picture, read the blurb, yes/no, next.  You have to make a determination about a person based on little information and there isn't really opportunity to dwell on it as the next day, half a dozen new matches come in (at least so far. My matches didn't show up till later this morning and I was driving to work thinking how could I have possibly exhausted the Eharm database in two weeks.  Tis hopeless! Oh.)  On the other hand, much like in real life I suppose, the decision making in large part depends on emotional response.  The initial reaction I get from the pictures - positive or negative - generally dictates what I do next.  Does the text in the profile make me laugh or roll my eyes? (One guy listed his occupation as cat herder and I wished EH was more like FB so I could 'like' it)

It's also perfect from bringing up all those long fought down dormant middle school emotions.  One guy sent me questions and I looked at the profile and decided not for me so I closed the match.  Felt like a right asshole doing it too.  Next morning, one of the people I had sent questions to had closed me.  Now there's a fun feeling.  Because I end up feeling like a heel either way, I've adopted the la la la don't see you approach and just let people languish in my inbox.  Then I go in and organize people in one swoop.  Feels more like data that way, less like actually getting involved.  And I know I'm not the only one, at least half the questions I've sent to people over the last two weeks are still sitting with a 'waiting for his response' notification.

It's odd too from a physical part of it.  As has been detailed in these here pages, I've lost 58 pounds since late 2008.  Yay me and all that.  But when it comes the profiles of guys who are less than svelte I'm not really interested in starting the conversation.  Which I feel weird and snotty and short-sighted about.  In real life I know plenty of non body builders that I think are physically attractive so it goes back to that weird disconnect of making decisions based on reaction to a picture without any real knowledge of personality coming into play.  And it isn't like I'm a waif myself.  I'm much more pleased with how I look, even voluntarily put two pictures of me in bathing suits in my profile (though the hindparts have been conveniently cropped) but I'm not done and I know I'm not the fittest I can be and I'd think the guys on the other side of the screen would see past the ass and think I'm just the most charming and hilarious girl ever given my profile but then I'm not really doing the same thing and it isn't wrong per se to be attracted to who I'm attracted to and yet... I don't know.  That one makes even less sense than the rest of my ramblings but it's like some sort of half-hearted battle between who I'm attracted to and various family member's voices in my head all you're so gorgeous and the part of me that looks in the mirror at my thighs or the tall, blond walking down the street and feeling like I'm in the wrong part of a Venn diagram.  The attractiveness level of the ones I'm pursuing aren't overlapping with my level of attractiveness and so won't be any overlap.  Will just be day after day of running backwards.

True as it may be, I really want to smack myself after that last paragraph so interlude for hilarity!

I've gotten to the point of actually corresponding with a couple of people.  Hooray for no multiple choice.  I predict a Vegas elopement before the leaves turn!  And I wish, I wish, I wish I could post some of the exchanges here because GOOD LORD.  Am trying to cut them some slack because a) am thinking it's harder for guys to do this whole thing with a level of skill than girls b) one is really cute c) I can't deal with the whole rejecting them part of it because all of middle school was essentially me being rejected and d) it's two out of dozens soooo.  They also sent me questions I had to respond to so I spent a good part of yesterday trying to come up with 10 interesting facts about myself.  The way this guy phrased it though, I can't figure out if he's a giant prig or what.  I mean, I use ridiculous words in both my writing and in every day conversation and to my mind, I don't come across like a conceited priss but man.  The way the question was worded was 'tell me 10 facts about you that I might find interesting' and I don't know why but it grates at me.  The way it was phrased made it seem like it was some sort of admissions test and I had to prove my worthiness to move onto the email portion of the whole thing.  But I seem to have passed (#2 - 15 years after my last dance class, I can still bust out a mean pirouette) as he wrote me back this morning.

Onward I go.  If things continue as they are I suppose I'll get to the point of chatting with one of both by phone or in person and the test will be how often I have to repress an eyeroll.

 

Comments

[Maria]

I always wondered how that worked. Never gone on a dating site. But, I fear that I am too picky, would be that one who sounded like I thought I was too good for anyone. The truth is that I have been happily paired up for years and years and I still wish that I could kind of dull the edges on some parts of her and sharpen others....someone told me that if one is too picky, they lose out. Maybe so.