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Back over Christmas, I discovered the most delicious cookies in my parent's freezer. Near perfect duplicates of Thin Mints, my elation was dashed when I realized they could only be gotten from HEB, a chain that Michigan does not have.
When I knew Mom was coming up for my teeth, I asked Dad to load her up with some cookies for me. And, oh, my cookies dreams have come true. Or nightmares I suppose as I can't eat them for another couple of weeks.
Eight packages. Come to Mama.
On our Target outing on Saturday, I went to grab a bag of cat food. It was up on the top shelf and so my 5'3 self reached up and tipped it over into my up-stretched arms same as I do every week. Except this time, not only was there a razor slit in the top of the bag but the glue sealing it shut was non existent so I succeeded in pouring an entire bag of cat food over my head. There was a lone off duty Target employee further down the aisle and she looked at me, still holding the now empty bag above my head, and at the floor and said even though I'm off duty this needs to be attended to. I secured a new, sealed bag and slunk off to find dishwasher soap.
I arrived home from work yesterday to find this in my mailbox.
Cracks me up. Not only is my name spelled wrong (though it must be in their records because I had issues at the pharmacy picking up my prescriptions) but it just seems an odd occasion to send a thank you card for. Thanks for letting us pry around in your mouth for an hour!
(Or, likely, thanks for letting us overcharge you by $700!)
Warning! Contains a picture of teeth! Which according to fb are apparently very scary. While I'm of the mind that teeth are scary if they are inside a great white's mouth that's zooming in to eat me, I seem to be an outlier so...
Thursday!
Took the mind altering drugs at 1:30, looked at a book and got that wave of exhaustion feeling about 10 minutes later where you know if you close your eyes you'll fall asleep sitting up. I did not do that and just looked at the words till it was time to leave around 2. Got in the car, was able to direct Mom to the office. Only effects I noticed were seeing double of everything. I knew what road we were on, what turn was coming up, completely aware, I just saw two of everything. This is similar to being very drunk perhaps? Went to the surgery room, turned Harry Potter Book 6 on the ipod and tried to sleep. Except no. Was wide awake the whole time. Wasn't concerned or anxious (yay drugs!), just awake. Following the tools and motions with my eyes the whole time. I must have been sort of out of it because it seems to have not taken very long and it had to have been at least an hour. I do remember the doctor bending over me with a pair of pliers heading into my mouth but was more mildly fascinated than anything. No pain (yay Novocaine!), but I could feel them pulling and pushing and doing that rocking thing back and forth with my bottom tooth to get it to wiggle out. Wrench it all the way to the leftttt, back to the riiight. Fun times in my mouth. Finished up and Dr. B jetted right out and the assistant went to get Mom and go over aftercare with us. She asked if I wanted to keep my teeth and I said no, I just needed to hold them to take a picture. Occurred to me later that I should have kept them for the tooth fairy. I figure wisdom teeth have got to be good for at least $20 a pop, no? They were very happy they all came out in one piece, they say this will make recovery easier (ha!). Fare thee well teeth! And #4 that would be the worst of all and I can't even imagine at this point. You better get nice and snuggly encased in my gums because that is where you are staying forever.
I was talking, not even all that numb (swallowed my first two pain pills with no problem), basically the whole you will not have control of your mental faculties for 8 hours effects had come and gone in 48 minutes. Mom said hey, let's go to Target first and get a few things. I weighed the benefits of going home and flopping on the couch with an ice pack to Mom paying for things and said off to Target!
Mom was very sweet and bought me two vacuums (I know) and frozen fruit for smoothies and soup and applesauce. Midway through the Target adventure, the Novocain wore off and yeah...hello throbbing agony of having people dig around in your jaw. Went back to apartment and hung out on the couch for the rest of the night. Drank some water, changed the gauze every half hour, bout 9pm had a Slim Fast shake (c/o dentist's office...surprisingly not too bad) and went to bed around midnight. Terrible night. Couldn't fall asleep and then woke up multiple times because of the throbbing. OMG the throbbing. My problem was that the pain pills would wear off before I could take another so not only was I not staying ahead of the pain but I'd wake up and be so far on the other side of it that it'd take hours for the new one to catch up. Friday was more of the same (with a generous sprinkling of whiny tweets for good measure), Mom telling me to eat something, drink something, me gazing at her blankly. She did vacuum the apartment while I read most of The Half Blood Prince which made me a bit uneasy but she wouldn't let me hand her the attachments let alone help so ok. I was still on the 48 hr strenuous movement ban anyways. Had a remains to be seen if positive or negative outcome call from the dentist's office (will explain later). But more of the same: watch food network and the clock until it's time for the next pill. This was mostly fine except come Saturday when my appetite returned I was suddenly ravenous for pizza and short ribs and onion rings and bruschetta and all the foods that I can't have for two weeks.
24 hours after surgery I also got to experience the fun of my medicated mouthwash. Have you ever tried to use mouthwash but not make the swishing movements? I poured it in my mouth and then just moved my neck around to get to all the various teeth. And then! The mouthwash causes you to drool a bit and know what else is super fun? Trying to spit when you can't make the spitting motions. You have to sort of move the spit to the front of your mouth and push it out with your tongue. Good times.
Sunday was finally able to feel like I could move around so went on a walk with Mom and a little trip to the mall before her flight back to TX. Was good that she came up even if I feel bad that 85% of the time I was staring at the TV or reading but she wasn't expecting anything more so all is well.
Or was until I was dropping her off at the airport and she went to cup my face to give me a kiss on the cheek and grabbed my jaw causing me to emit a involuntary eep of pain right outside Continental departures.
